Petersburg

 Most of you probably know I haven’t an artistic bone in my body. Still, several Fridays ago I managed to find myself in a glass-painting master class. Remember that I’m still in Russia—and think of all the contextual vocabulary I don’t know. It was quite an experience.

I met Zhanna when my host sister and I went to the Prado exhibition at the Hermitage on Women’s Day. (That was an experience in itself, considering how exhausted I was, how many people were there, and the conversation about feminism my host sister and I had.) She and my host sister went to high school together, and now Zhanna’s an artist in Piter who teaches master classes occasionally. I think I took my polite interest too far, and a few weeks later…I was calling Zhanna to arrange for her to meet me at the metro station and escort me to her class. Where I would be doing artwork. I might add at this point that Zhanna’s Russian is very…energetic. I’ve heard faster, but keeping up with her was definitely a challenge, especially over the phone.

Somehow I didn’t find it reassuring that my host family promised me that children went to Zhanna’s classes also, so my lack of artistic ability wouldn’t be a problem (supposedly). I did find a little girl at the class to sit next to—conversation partner+someone not too far above my skill level!—little Sasha and I giggled together every now and again.  But I also met a woman who’s invited me to her house so I can chat with her daughter in English about America, and a grad student named Natalya who I exchanged numbers with.

Every so often I was able to add my 50 kopeks to the conversation (success!), even if I couldn’t understand half of what Zhanna was trying to tell me. Or at least, not without extensive sign language, “Liza, no!”s and interpretation by Sasha. But in the end, it poluchilos—it worked out/happened.

The artwork? Much better than I ever expected out of myself. Consider it my artistic achievement for the next two years.

One the phrases I say most often on a daily basis here is “Oh, Russia,” usually sighing and shaking my head. When there’s nothing left to say about something that may once have been surprising, I whip one of these out. It’s half weariness, half amusement. This country is really a unique piece of work. A lot of things here have ceased to surprise me; a lot of things I’ve gotten used to. There are already visible signs that I’ve been hanging out here for quite a while. But there are some things that I don’t think I could ever get used to, and some things about me that I don’t think Russia could ever change. The lists are as follows:

I’m turning Russian because…

1.       I never would even think to leave the apartment without full makeup, hair, and a complete outfit. Never. Not even after travelling, not even when I was feeling sick or particularly tired.

2.       I’ve come to love tea. Hot tea. (By Russian standards, lukewarm tea). With cookies or something to eat with it.

3.       I eat cabbage.

4.       Increasing love for smetana (kind of like sour cream).

5.       Plain, raw, fresh vegetables surprise me. [Evidence of nos. 4 and 5: my salat the other day consisted of tomatoes and wilty brown/white-ish lettuce smothered in watery smetana. I avoided it for as long as possible. But once I tried it…I was a fan. This does not bode well.]

6.       Therefore, I relish raw tomatoes. (Before, I only did processed tomatoes)

7.       I wipe down my boots more frequently before leaving the house. [Not as often as a proper Russian; my host mom and sister polish their boots every time they leave the house]

8.       I get aggressive trying to catch my train in the mornings…especially when I’m running late (always)

9.       I enjoy soup

10.   I’m starting to read my horoscope daily. [Not Russian enough because I don’t believe in it at all]

11.   I freely stare at someone who sticks out. [Not there are that many of them]

12.   I’m willing to cut lines as necessary, or at least shove my way forward

Things I’ve gotten used to and can now shrug off:

1.       Mullets. (They’re everywhere, and they’re a special Russian species)

2.       Using my change wisely/breaking my “big” notes wisely. [Exact change here is a big freaking deal. Big freaking deal. May get its own entry someday.]

3.       The average height of heels

4.       Similarly, the amount of make-up considered acceptable in daytime

5.       Lack of personal space on the metro

6.       PDA times a bajillion on the metro escalators

7.       Cars parked on sidewalks

8.       Cigarette smoke everywhere (well, usually I can shrug it off. Not always.)

9.       Lack of trashcans

10.   Wearing slippers inside and always taking outside shoes off when going inside. This will be coming back with me.

11.   Opening windows with the heat on

12.   Half the doors into the metro station being closed

13.   The idea that the weather changing is what makes anyone feel tired, cranky, or sick. The weather is always changing, so it is kind of a perfect excuse. [Host mom: Why did you get up so late today?  Me: Oh, I didn’t sleep well. I don’t know why…  Host mom: Well, the weather is changing. I’m tired too and didn’t sleep enough./Host sister: I’m so tired today. Me: me too. Host sister: Yeah, the weather has been bad and it’s changing.]

14.   Non-existence of recycling

15.   Construction everywhere

16.   Customer service/lack thereof/seeming rudeness, and the need to put up a bit of a fight to get my way or be understood

17.   Seeing (day) drinking on the streets

Things I should be used to, but am not:

1.       Sad homeless doggies

2.       Doggie doo on the sidewalks

3.       “Девушка/Devushka”. Literal translation: girl/young lady. But is also used as something of a “ma’am” equivalent. I didn’t realize this for a while, so it still sounds a little rude to my ear, although it’s not.

4.       Russian men. On so many levels.

5.       Having to wear boots/real shoes for so long

6.       Мясо/Myasa: generic word for meat. Describes most of the meat you will eat. Don’t bother asking what it really is. My favorite response? “It’s delicious! Eat it.”

7.       Closing my main route to school—the park—for “drying.” The entire park is closed for drying. The rest of the city, and as far as I know, the rest of the parks, are functioning through this period of defrosting/melting.

8.       Inordinate amount of butter and mayonnaise on/in inappropriate dishes

9.       That simple tasks, goals, ideas, plans are, more often than not, far from simple

10.   Lack of chocolate chip cookies. Any soft cookies, actually.

11.   How much a bottle of water costs at a restaurant vs. at a corner grocery store

12.   How quickly the weather changes

13.   Not being able to say what I mean

Things that Russia will never change about me:

1.       Love for flavorful, even spicy, food

2.       Love for hygiene: daily showers; always, and always sufficiently washing my hands after the bathroom; deodorant.

3.       My desire for salad every now and again

4.       My optimism and tendency to be forward-looking

5.       Saying please and thank you and smiling as I say them. To everyone.

6.       My stubborn ability to forget specific numbers and statistics as soon as they are told to me

7.       Several highly political beliefs

8.       My ideas of what constitutes racism [FYI, Metro newspaper, just because there haven’t been any reported violent attacks by skinheads, doesn’t mean racism is gone from Petersburg. Also, Kunstkammer, there’s more to Africa than people being poor and believing in witchcraft]

9.       My appreciation for non-dance music, above and beyond classical music.  [Of course I love my crappy dance music. But I need some variety and quality in my life.]

10.   Wanting to stand on the metro every now and again, even when there’s a seat.

11.   Worship of/adoration of/deep love for the sun.